Life Is No Cabaret...

Once there was this mate of mine called Steve...he was obsessed with cheesy 90's pop, and spent his time commenting on you tube videos, and arguing with innocent strangers. Steve was a good mate, he very closely resembled a roll of sellotape except was green and and had fantastically bright red hair which he wore in bunches.

One day Steve decided he loved 90's pop so much he would build a time machine and go back to live there forever. He went about collecting parts of old furniture and 716 balloons, and then set to work on the machine. It took Steve 13 years and 7 days to build it. Passers by would yell comments in his direction. "It'll never work" said a tall handsome grass hopper one day, watching Steve hammer away from a safe distance. Steve took no notice and carried on. He never slept or ate throughout the time of building, so when it was finished he was completely exhausted. The machine looked astounding. It stood 6ft high and 5 wide, decorated with old shoelaces and peacock feathers kindly donated by Winston, a wise old peacock who owned the apothecary down the road.

Steve was so exhausted that he has made a fatal error in the programming of his time machine...you know what programmings like. He had accidentally set his machine to 1890 instead of 1990. As you would imagine Steve was shocked and appalled wondering the streets desperately trying to find that guy from Blur...you know, the one who makes cheese. However insead of him Steve found an old boot discarded on the side of the road, and immediately fell in love. Him and the boot lived nice and happily under a bridge with an alligator who would visit on Tuesdays!

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