PS: The entire point of starting up this blog was so we'd be able to find out where certain things were from, when we get a line in our head and can't fingure it out... This is probably the most effective way of going about helping that problem! XD
Series 2 - Episode 1 - Call Of The Yeti.
Scene1.
Scene1.
[Opening Titles]
[Vince, walking around the corner, in a shiney silver suit and feather boa, strikes a pose]
Vince: What about this?
Bollo: Good.
[Vince disappears for a second, comes back out in white fluffy cowboy hat and furry jacket, strickes pose]
Vince: How about this?
Bollo: Also good.
[Vince in new costume again]
Vince: What about this to travel in?
Bollo: Ohh...Magnifique!
[Vince costume change again, does twirl on spot.]
Vince: The funky Inuit?
Bollo: Very good
[Vince costume change]
Vince: What about this cape?
Bollo: A bit last week.
Vince: I'll put it in the maybe pile.
[Howard comes in from the hall]
Howard: Vince, you ready?
Vince: Almost there yeah, narrowed it down to these two piles! [points to two massive piles of clothes]
Howard: You are joking arn't you? We're going to a cabin in the woods!
Vince: So?!
Howard: For one weekend!
Vince: Yeah I suppose...
Howard: Let's try and narrow it down, now look, ok. Do you need this tie?
Vince: Yeah! The tie's a multi-purpose accessory! You know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Howard: Right, well what about this Jacobean Ruff?
Vince: Listen, I've gotta strong feeling the Tudor looks gonna come back in while we're away, I don't wanna get left behind!
Howard: You'll be in the wilderness, who's gonna know?
Vince: Well what if someone's photographing animals yeah? and I'm in the back of the shot! The internets a powerful tool these days!
Howard: Vince, You gotta be more economical, like me. See what I got going on right here? The Multi-purpose Tweed Utility Suit, It's all I need!
Vince: Yeah, but what if you wanna go swimming?
Howard: Zips down to trunks.
Vince: Well it's easy for you isn't it? You havn't got any style!
Howard: Do you mind? I don't buffet about on the wings of fashion, Fashion may come and go, but Howard Moon remains where he is!
Bollo: Clothes Avalanche!![knocks over the piles of clothes.]
Vince + Howard: Woooahhh
Howard: Right that's it! One Suitcase!
[Vince, walking around the corner, in a shiney silver suit and feather boa, strikes a pose]
Vince: What about this?
Bollo: Good.
[Vince disappears for a second, comes back out in white fluffy cowboy hat and furry jacket, strickes pose]
Vince: How about this?
Bollo: Also good.
[Vince in new costume again]
Vince: What about this to travel in?
Bollo: Ohh...Magnifique!
[Vince costume change again, does twirl on spot.]
Vince: The funky Inuit?
Bollo: Very good
[Vince costume change]
Vince: What about this cape?
Bollo: A bit last week.
Vince: I'll put it in the maybe pile.
[Howard comes in from the hall]
Howard: Vince, you ready?
Vince: Almost there yeah, narrowed it down to these two piles! [points to two massive piles of clothes]
Howard: You are joking arn't you? We're going to a cabin in the woods!
Vince: So?!
Howard: For one weekend!
Vince: Yeah I suppose...
Howard: Let's try and narrow it down, now look, ok. Do you need this tie?
Vince: Yeah! The tie's a multi-purpose accessory! You know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Howard: Right, well what about this Jacobean Ruff?
Vince: Listen, I've gotta strong feeling the Tudor looks gonna come back in while we're away, I don't wanna get left behind!
Howard: You'll be in the wilderness, who's gonna know?
Vince: Well what if someone's photographing animals yeah? and I'm in the back of the shot! The internets a powerful tool these days!
Howard: Vince, You gotta be more economical, like me. See what I got going on right here? The Multi-purpose Tweed Utility Suit, It's all I need!
Vince: Yeah, but what if you wanna go swimming?
Howard: Zips down to trunks.
Vince: Well it's easy for you isn't it? You havn't got any style!
Howard: Do you mind? I don't buffet about on the wings of fashion, Fashion may come and go, but Howard Moon remains where he is!
Bollo: Clothes Avalanche!![knocks over the piles of clothes.]
Vince + Howard: Woooahhh
Howard: Right that's it! One Suitcase!
Scene2
[Howard walks into Naboo's room, where he is packing.]
Howard: Naboo, are you nearly ready?
Naboo: Nearly, what d'ya think? Red or blue?
Howard: I don't care! We were supposed to of set off by now! What's the matter with everyone? Did you get my itinery?
Naboo: Chill out! We're going on holiday! It's meant to be relaxing.
Howard: I'm gonna have to type out a new one!
Naboo: What about you have you packed?
Howard: Yes I have! This is everything I need, right here, I'm wearing it! The Multi-purpose Tweed Utility Suit!
Naboo: What if you wanna go swimming?
[Here zipping noises off screen and Naboo's face look disgusted]
Howard: Happy? Now get ready![Storms off]
Naboo: Oooh! I didn't need to see that!
Howard: Naboo, are you nearly ready?
Naboo: Nearly, what d'ya think? Red or blue?
Howard: I don't care! We were supposed to of set off by now! What's the matter with everyone? Did you get my itinery?
Naboo: Chill out! We're going on holiday! It's meant to be relaxing.
Howard: I'm gonna have to type out a new one!
Naboo: What about you have you packed?
Howard: Yes I have! This is everything I need, right here, I'm wearing it! The Multi-purpose Tweed Utility Suit!
Naboo: What if you wanna go swimming?
[Here zipping noises off screen and Naboo's face look disgusted]
Howard: Happy? Now get ready![Storms off]
Naboo: Oooh! I didn't need to see that!
Scene3
[Back in the living room with Vince and Bollo]
Vince: Ok Bollo, You ready?
Bollo: [Bollo is getting ready to push a massive pile of clothes into a normal sized suitcase] Hm, yeah!
Vince: Let's do it! Go on Bollo, use your monkey strength! Get you primate arms out! Put your back into it! Bit more, Bit more! Come on! Yes!
Bollo: Ohh quickly!
[Vince clicks the case shut]
Vince: Go! [They both run to hide behind the sofa, peering above it, they see the suitcase shake and rattle, before going still again]
Bollo: Nice
Vince: Yeah...
Vince: Couldn't you put your suit back on?
Howard: Zip broke.
Vince: I hate the wilderness, can't we go to Euro Disney?
Howard: I'm not spending another summer in the Goofy Lodge! Ok? I booked us a cabin, deep in the woods.
Vince: Great...
Naboo: It's good for me actually.
Vince: [sarcasticly] Is it really.
Naboo: I'm running low on supplies, as a shaman I can put it down as a business trip, claim it all back.
Howard: Nice!
Bollo: Where you find out about this cabin?
Howard: Oh, a little advert in the Global Explorer, the magazine I subscribe to.
Vince: Global explorer?
Howard: Very inspiring stuff!
Vince: I hate that magazine, it's a sepia nightmare! I tried to read it once, it gave me a panic attack. You heard of this? [holds up magazine]
Howard: huh?
Vince: Cheekbone. It's the most up-to-date magazine around, it's so cutting-edge it goes outta date every 3 hours!
Howard: Really?
Vince: Can't get it in the shops! It's delivered by ninja's!
Howard: Yeah well, the Global Explorer never goes outta date. There are photographs in there that are eternally relevant to our times Vince, one day I plan to be on the cover of that magazine.
Vince: What with a tropical disease?
Howard: No, with one of my photographs
Vince: What photographs?!
Howard: I'm building up quite a portfolio now.
Vince: What are you a photographer now?
Howard:Yes sir!
Vince: I thought you were a Jazz Poet.
Howard: I do many things! many things you don't know about, I span the genre's, they call me the genre spanner!
Vince: They call you the Spanner.
[Ninja runs beside the car and knocks on the window]
Ninja:Cheekbone![chucks magazine in the window]
Vince: Cheers!
JAck: Oh yes! Parden moi! Of course! I hope we meet again some time under different circumstances! [licks Vince's hand]
Howard: What a character!
Vince: What a freak!
[Jack opens door again.]
Jack: errm Mister, I was wondering if you might join me for a drink and possibly a smoke on the porch! Man to Man so to speak.
Howard: Don't mind if I do Sir. Me and jack are just gonna gonna a sorta wilderness chat, check you in a bit.
Vince: Yeah whatever!
Vince: Ok Bollo, You ready?
Bollo: [Bollo is getting ready to push a massive pile of clothes into a normal sized suitcase] Hm, yeah!
Vince: Let's do it! Go on Bollo, use your monkey strength! Get you primate arms out! Put your back into it! Bit more, Bit more! Come on! Yes!
Bollo: Ohh quickly!
[Vince clicks the case shut]
Vince: Go! [They both run to hide behind the sofa, peering above it, they see the suitcase shake and rattle, before going still again]
Bollo: Nice
Vince: Yeah...
Scene4
[On the road, in the Boosh VW van.]Vince: Couldn't you put your suit back on?
Howard: Zip broke.
Vince: I hate the wilderness, can't we go to Euro Disney?
Howard: I'm not spending another summer in the Goofy Lodge! Ok? I booked us a cabin, deep in the woods.
Vince: Great...
Naboo: It's good for me actually.
Vince: [sarcasticly] Is it really.
Naboo: I'm running low on supplies, as a shaman I can put it down as a business trip, claim it all back.
Howard: Nice!
Bollo: Where you find out about this cabin?
Howard: Oh, a little advert in the Global Explorer, the magazine I subscribe to.
Vince: Global explorer?
Howard: Very inspiring stuff!
Vince: I hate that magazine, it's a sepia nightmare! I tried to read it once, it gave me a panic attack. You heard of this? [holds up magazine]
Howard: huh?
Vince: Cheekbone. It's the most up-to-date magazine around, it's so cutting-edge it goes outta date every 3 hours!
Howard: Really?
Vince: Can't get it in the shops! It's delivered by ninja's!
Howard: Yeah well, the Global Explorer never goes outta date. There are photographs in there that are eternally relevant to our times Vince, one day I plan to be on the cover of that magazine.
Vince: What with a tropical disease?
Howard: No, with one of my photographs
Vince: What photographs?!
Howard: I'm building up quite a portfolio now.
Vince: What are you a photographer now?
Howard:Yes sir!
Vince: I thought you were a Jazz Poet.
Howard: I do many things! many things you don't know about, I span the genre's, they call me the genre spanner!
Vince: They call you the Spanner.
[Ninja runs beside the car and knocks on the window]
Ninja:Cheekbone![chucks magazine in the window]
Vince: Cheers!
Scene5
Vince: Now, can you get out please? 'Cause I wanna go to bed![wide shot of the Cabin. The moon spins round to talk.]
Moon: Here's a poem from the moon:- Neil Armstrong, a walking on me face, Buzz Aldrin, a walking on me face, and then the third one, a spaceman, a walking on me face, all on the surfaces, and he's looking at the stuff, that the moon has got to offer. hehe. Yeah...
[spins back round. You see everyone walking into the Cabin]
Howard: Here we are, What do you think of that?
Vince: Is this is garage!
Howard: No this is it Vince![Looks at animal heads mounted on wall] Wow! Check these out! A true hunters cabin eh? [See's a gorilla's head]Oh... Sorry Bollo.
Bollo: That was Chinquo. He was my friend, as children we play together in forest, but my Father warn us, no go too far, for there are hunter at edge of forest, but Chinquo curious. he always say, Bollo please, please let us go to edge of forest, over and over and over, and so finally one day... I chopped his head off. Cuppa tea anyone?
[Howard tending to fire]
Howard: Oh yes, this is more like it, roaring fire, cuppa tea, what more do you want eh!
Vince: MTV?
Howard: We're getting away from all of that Vince. Getting away from the noise of the city, listen, what can you hear?
Vince: Your Cells Dying!
Howard: Tranquility Vince! The sound of nature!
Vince: I'm bored!
Howard: Yeah well I knew you would be, which is why, if you turn to page 3 of your itinery's, you will fid I've prepared a short introductionary lecture on the Wilderness, just to get you into the spirit of things. Ok? [starts to wrote on the board, whistling]
Bollo: I've gotta bad feeling about this!
Naboo: No kidding! Let's get outta here!
Vince: Oi! Where you two going?
Naboo: Shaman business.
Vince: Well, can I come with you?
Naboo: Naah, you gotta stay here with him!
Vince: Oh! You're joking! He's insane!
Naboo: Look you can't leave him, he's all excited!
Vince: Thanks alot!
Howard: Hey guys what's happening?
Naboo: Gonna go get some supplies!
Howard: It's ten O'Clock at night? Your gonna miss the lecture!
Naboo: It's the best time, there's no one around!
Howard: Oh...
Naboo: Do you want anything?
Howard: No I'm fine thanks.
Naboo: We're getting some Owl Beaks if your interested?
Howard: Owl beaks? What for?
Naboo: This is about owl beaks yeah? Is they can restore a man's fire, if you get my drift!
Howard: I'll be fine thanks!
Naboo: You sure? Man of your age?
Howard: I said I'm fine!
Naboo: I get ya, Vince is in the room.
Howard: Just egt out will you! Right. Where were we?
[Naboo appeard at the window]
Naboo: I'll get you a couple yeah?
[Howard draws the curtain]
Howard: Okay [He holds up a note pad and hands it to Vince] There you go.
Vince: What's this for?
Howard: To take notes! and then we can do a quick question and answer session in the interval.
Vince: Interval?
Howard: Yes sir!
Vince: Are you out of your mind?!
Howard: Simmer down! Now, the life cycle of the frog! [Howard mutters on about frogs while a black board gets more and more added to it.] Now the brown bear, different to a black bear, will hibernate for up to 3 and a half month. Where as the Black bear will obviously hibernate for only 3 months, check your notes of that one. [Vince looks down at his note pad which has PLEASE KILL ME scribbled on it.] Interesting fact about those two bears, the black bear can sometimes be brown and the brown bear can sometimes be...Black! haha! Yes.
[Kodiak Jack bursts through the door]
Howard: Ahh!
Jack: Well well, Lookie here!
Howard: Keep back I know WingChun!
Vince: You only had one lesson!
Howard: Shut up!
Jack: Cool your jets, I'm a Kodiak Jack, I own this cabin! I'm just checking in to see how you're all settling in.
Howard: Kodiak, It's Howard Moon, we spoke on the phone this morning!
Jack: The what?
Howard: The Telephone.
Jack: Oh! The Talkie Stick! Your voice was trapped in there this morning!
Howard: Yeah, Howard Moon. Hello.
Jack: Hello, and...[turning his attention towards Vince]Hellooooo, What's your name, Sugar Dumpling?
Vince: Vince.
Jack: Hmm, beautiful name.
Howard: Well, we were just doing a lecture on the wilderness, you're welcome to stick around and join us.
Jack: Oh yeah? What do you know about that Mr City-Balls?
Howard: Well I have read this rather large book on the wilderness.
Jack: Book?! That's all you people know! Now let me tell you, this book aint gonna help you when a Grizzly Bear's on the loose! [Jack throws the book out of the window, hitting a bear outside the window in the face.] It's all about experience. Have you ever had a Mountain Goat grab you by the scrotum and run aay with it, then sell it on ebay a day later? Huh?
Howard: No...
Jack:You ever been Rohypnoled by a Swan, woke up in Cancoon?
Howard: No...
Jack: You ever been to a tea party with a heard of Rhino? Well I have and it aint Pretty! I've had run-ins with all these animals!and I killed them all![pointing to the animal heads mounted on walls] I killed that one! I killed that one! I ...killed That one.
Howard: Well, I've had some pretty hairy moments myself sir, yes sir!
Jack: Oh yeah? You got any scars to prove it?
Howard: EMotional scars yes.
Jack:Yeah Check this out! Moose bite! 1973, aint nothing emotional about that! Check this out! Horn of a wilderbeast, ripped it wide open! had to tie it up with my own shoe string!
Vince: Yeah! Big deal! See that? Straightners Nicky Clarke - Hottest you can get! Fell asleep on them while I was pissed!
Jack: Jimeny Christmas!
Moon: Here's a poem from the moon:- Neil Armstrong, a walking on me face, Buzz Aldrin, a walking on me face, and then the third one, a spaceman, a walking on me face, all on the surfaces, and he's looking at the stuff, that the moon has got to offer. hehe. Yeah...
[spins back round. You see everyone walking into the Cabin]
Howard: Here we are, What do you think of that?
Vince: Is this is garage!
Howard: No this is it Vince![Looks at animal heads mounted on wall] Wow! Check these out! A true hunters cabin eh? [See's a gorilla's head]Oh... Sorry Bollo.
Bollo: That was Chinquo. He was my friend, as children we play together in forest, but my Father warn us, no go too far, for there are hunter at edge of forest, but Chinquo curious. he always say, Bollo please, please let us go to edge of forest, over and over and over, and so finally one day... I chopped his head off. Cuppa tea anyone?
[Howard tending to fire]
Howard: Oh yes, this is more like it, roaring fire, cuppa tea, what more do you want eh!
Vince: MTV?
Howard: We're getting away from all of that Vince. Getting away from the noise of the city, listen, what can you hear?
Vince: Your Cells Dying!
Howard: Tranquility Vince! The sound of nature!
Vince: I'm bored!
Howard: Yeah well I knew you would be, which is why, if you turn to page 3 of your itinery's, you will fid I've prepared a short introductionary lecture on the Wilderness, just to get you into the spirit of things. Ok? [starts to wrote on the board, whistling]
Bollo: I've gotta bad feeling about this!
Naboo: No kidding! Let's get outta here!
Vince: Oi! Where you two going?
Naboo: Shaman business.
Vince: Well, can I come with you?
Naboo: Naah, you gotta stay here with him!
Vince: Oh! You're joking! He's insane!
Naboo: Look you can't leave him, he's all excited!
Vince: Thanks alot!
Howard: Hey guys what's happening?
Naboo: Gonna go get some supplies!
Howard: It's ten O'Clock at night? Your gonna miss the lecture!
Naboo: It's the best time, there's no one around!
Howard: Oh...
Naboo: Do you want anything?
Howard: No I'm fine thanks.
Naboo: We're getting some Owl Beaks if your interested?
Howard: Owl beaks? What for?
Naboo: This is about owl beaks yeah? Is they can restore a man's fire, if you get my drift!
Howard: I'll be fine thanks!
Naboo: You sure? Man of your age?
Howard: I said I'm fine!
Naboo: I get ya, Vince is in the room.
Howard: Just egt out will you! Right. Where were we?
[Naboo appeard at the window]
Naboo: I'll get you a couple yeah?
[Howard draws the curtain]
Howard: Okay [He holds up a note pad and hands it to Vince] There you go.
Vince: What's this for?
Howard: To take notes! and then we can do a quick question and answer session in the interval.
Vince: Interval?
Howard: Yes sir!
Vince: Are you out of your mind?!
Howard: Simmer down! Now, the life cycle of the frog! [Howard mutters on about frogs while a black board gets more and more added to it.] Now the brown bear, different to a black bear, will hibernate for up to 3 and a half month. Where as the Black bear will obviously hibernate for only 3 months, check your notes of that one. [Vince looks down at his note pad which has PLEASE KILL ME scribbled on it.] Interesting fact about those two bears, the black bear can sometimes be brown and the brown bear can sometimes be...Black! haha! Yes.
[Kodiak Jack bursts through the door]
Howard: Ahh!
Jack: Well well, Lookie here!
Howard: Keep back I know WingChun!
Vince: You only had one lesson!
Howard: Shut up!
Jack: Cool your jets, I'm a Kodiak Jack, I own this cabin! I'm just checking in to see how you're all settling in.
Howard: Kodiak, It's Howard Moon, we spoke on the phone this morning!
Jack: The what?
Howard: The Telephone.
Jack: Oh! The Talkie Stick! Your voice was trapped in there this morning!
Howard: Yeah, Howard Moon. Hello.
Jack: Hello, and...[turning his attention towards Vince]Hellooooo, What's your name, Sugar Dumpling?
Vince: Vince.
Jack: Hmm, beautiful name.
Howard: Well, we were just doing a lecture on the wilderness, you're welcome to stick around and join us.
Jack: Oh yeah? What do you know about that Mr City-Balls?
Howard: Well I have read this rather large book on the wilderness.
Jack: Book?! That's all you people know! Now let me tell you, this book aint gonna help you when a Grizzly Bear's on the loose! [Jack throws the book out of the window, hitting a bear outside the window in the face.] It's all about experience. Have you ever had a Mountain Goat grab you by the scrotum and run aay with it, then sell it on ebay a day later? Huh?
Howard: No...
Jack:You ever been Rohypnoled by a Swan, woke up in Cancoon?
Howard: No...
Jack: You ever been to a tea party with a heard of Rhino? Well I have and it aint Pretty! I've had run-ins with all these animals!and I killed them all![pointing to the animal heads mounted on walls] I killed that one! I killed that one! I ...killed That one.
Howard: Well, I've had some pretty hairy moments myself sir, yes sir!
Jack: Oh yeah? You got any scars to prove it?
Howard: EMotional scars yes.
Jack:Yeah Check this out! Moose bite! 1973, aint nothing emotional about that! Check this out! Horn of a wilderbeast, ripped it wide open! had to tie it up with my own shoe string!
Vince: Yeah! Big deal! See that? Straightners Nicky Clarke - Hottest you can get! Fell asleep on them while I was pissed!
Jack: Jimeny Christmas!
JAck: Oh yes! Parden moi! Of course! I hope we meet again some time under different circumstances! [licks Vince's hand]
Howard: What a character!
Vince: What a freak!
[Jack opens door again.]
Jack: errm Mister, I was wondering if you might join me for a drink and possibly a smoke on the porch! Man to Man so to speak.
Howard: Don't mind if I do Sir. Me and jack are just gonna gonna a sorta wilderness chat, check you in a bit.
Vince: Yeah whatever!
Scene6
[Naboo and Bollo are pushing a trolley around the woods. 'Shamansbury's']
Bollo: [Picking up something from the side] Oh, 3 for 2.
[The moon spins round to talk]
Moon: When the space man come, he did experiment, with a hammer and a feather, seeing which one would land first, and you know, on the moon's surface the landed exactly the same time! he could have done that with anything...beach ball, peg, magnet...little drawing of some chicken, it don't make no difference, when you are the moon, everything land's the same.
[Back at the cabin, Howard and Jack are on the Porch.]
Jack: Beatutiful view huh?
Howard:Oh yeah, It's when I see a view like that I'm always aware of the terrifying insignificance of mankind, and yet and the same time, the irrevicable connection we all have with the universe.
Jack: You know what I think of?
Howard: what?
Jack: All the tiny animal penis' all over! anyway I gotta question for you, you two out here on your honeymoon?
Howard: Errm, No jack, I think you got the wrong end of the stick there.
Jack: Well, What're you doing out here in these parts then?
Howard: Well I'm a photographer by trade, just building myself up a portfolio sir.
Jack: Ahh! Picture box!
Howard: That's me! It's in my blood so...
Jack: Well, Maybe I can help you with that.
Howard: How?
Jack: Well, you know left to your own devices out here, you'd be lucky to get a picture of a chipmonk or a piece of moss, but I know the whereabouts of a creature, that's never been seen by human eye-balls, if you get a photograph of that, you'll be famous, on the cover of some fancy magazine! See this map right here, leads directly to the creatures lair, out on Piney Ridge.
Howard: Can I have a look at that?
Jack: Maybe you can, and maybe you can't
Howard: Can I?
Jack: Well Maybe I got something you want and you got something I want.
Howard: What?
Jack: Well a man does get kinda lonely, out here in the woods.
Howard: No Jack sorry, I mean, I'm a liberal guy, but I will draw the line there I'm afraid
Jack: Not you dickbrain, I'm talking about hoochie-coochie pants in there! A man does have his standards! We don't often get a little cute newbound princess, like that around here.Usually old weather-beaten types like yourself!
Howard: Look I could never do that, Vince is a friend of mine, So I will bid you good night.
Jack: Well that's a shame. I'm guess you won't be needing a picutre of the one, the only, the legendary... Yeti.
Howard: How long would you need him for?
[Back to shamansbury's checkout till.]
Naboo: Excuse me, are these meant to be like this?
Checkout Girl: Naa, sorry It's burst.
Naboo: Bollo, get us some more jaguar tears please, it's going everywhere! Just by Horns and Hooves!
[Barry pushes his trolley up the the checkout]
Naboo: You alright Barry?
Barry: Alright Naboo! Havn't seen you in aages! When was it? Wickham caves! haha, quite a night.
Naboo: Yeah I was outta my head that night, sick in my turban. You were all over the shop!
Barry: YEah I know, it was my birthday, I was off my chops! I had two Mick Jaggers and a line of cheap whizz! anyway what you up to these days?
Naboo: Oh, I've gone freelance.
Barry: You still got Bollo?
Naboo: Yeah, he's over there getting me some stuff.
Barry: ALright Bollo!
Bollo: Hi.
Naboo: Where's your familiar?
Barry: Oh, This is Crissy[Gets out a bat from his coat pocket]
Naboo: Oh he's lovely this one. Thought you had a black cat?
Barry: I did, Doing my head in, got myself an upgrade!
Naboo: Wish I could get an upgrade
Barry: Well you should, he's tiny, got all the latest features!
Checkout girl: Got a points card?
Naboo: Bollo?
Bollo: Oh, I forgot it... Sorry
Naboo: See what I mean? That's worth 50 magic carpet miles!
Barry: Upgrade.
Naboo: See ya later Barry.
Barry: Yeah Naboo, Can I have a word? If I where you I'd stay indoors tonight, avoid the forest
Naboo: Oh yeah?
Barry: Apparntly it's breeding night for the Yeti!
Naboo: I thought they were hibernating.
Barry: They are, but every 25 years they come out, look for a man to breed with, they're bloody rampant! If I where you I'd avoid Piney Ridge.
Naboo: How'd you find out about this?
Barry: Crissy! Get's all the latest! He's got Sonar!
Naboo: Why didn't you tell me about this Bollo?
Bollo: I told you I had a bad feeling!
Naboo: I need details! See ya later Barry.
Barry: [To checkout girl]'Right there Gorgeous, When do you knock off?
[Scene where Howard moves through the forest, takes photo's and get's taken by the Yeti's.]
[Back to the cabin, Vince is straightening his hair when Jack walks in]
Vince: [Sings] So please, don't go.
Jack: Well hello there.
Vince: What do you want?
Jack: Well I, brought you some flowers. I picked them myself
Vince: Where's Howard?
Jack: Oh he's fine, he just went on a little walk up Piney Ridge, left us alone for a little while.
Vince: What're you eating?
JAck: Owl beaks! D'ya want some?
Vince: No I'm fine!
JAck: Get's you in the mood.
Vince: Mood for what?!
Jack: A pretty little thing like you and a big old mountain man like me!
Vince: Get away from me
Jack: But I loves you Vincey!
Vince: Your weird get off me!
JAck: I love my little Vincey!
[shot from outside the cabin you hear Jack screaming inside, Naboo and Bollo rush in the see what's happening, Vince is burning Jacks nose with straightners.]
Vince: There you go! Nicky Clarke - Hottest you can get!
Naboo: What's going on?
Vince: I'll tell you want's going on! I just narrowly avoided a bumming from Grizzly Adams!
Naboo: Where's Howard?
Vince: Went for a walk or something, up Piney Ridge!
[Dramatic music and looks]
Vince: What...have I got shit on my face?!
[Vince, Naboo and Bollo get in the van]
Vince: Do you think Howard will be alright Naboo?
Naboo: Well we're gonna have to move fast, before the Yeti's get him!
Vince: What are they gonna do to him if they catch him?
Naboo: I don't even wanna speak it's name!
Vince: Alright, we better get to piney ridge, quicksmart!
Naboo: Well let's get a move on then!
Vince: Right... but I can't drive!
Naboo: Your kidding I can't drive either!
Vince: I thought you could!
Naboo: Thought you could!
Vince: Did you bring your magic Carpet?
Naboo: Howard wouldn't let me pack it...'one suitcase!'
Vince: What're we gonna do?
Naboo: Bollo?
Vince: Come on Bollo, get your monkey anus up at the steering wheel.
Bollo: Bollo no drive.
Vince: Your joking why not?!
Bollo: Bollo lose licence.
Naboo: When did that happen?
Bollo: Long time ago, it was Chinquo, as teenager we would drive about town together, my father warn us, no drive too fast, for there are speed camera on A49. but Chinquo crazy. He dangerous, he always say Please Bollo, please let us go faster...
Vince: Yeah right, so you chopped his feet off yeah?
Bollo: No. I chopped his feet off... stopped him pressing accellerator!
Naboo: Do you have any more stories about Chinquo or do you think maybe we should get Howard.
Vince: What're we gonna do, Piney Ridge is about 5 hours away on foot!
Naboo: minicab?
[Ninja kncoks on window]
Ninja: Cheekbone!
Vince:Ah cheers, new issue! The Jackobean ruff's back in, I knew it! Genius... Oi mate, you can't drive can you?
Ninja: Yes.
Vince: Yes!
[Driving fast through forest, only slowing down when there is a speed camera]
Bollo:...Shit. [Looking up they're surrounded by Yeti's]
Naboo: Now don't panic anyone, I'm a shaman! We've studied Yeti's havn't we Bollo! There's something they're afraid of, what is it Bollo?
Bollo: Urmm, Cheese?
Naboo: No.
Bollo: Lipstick?
Naboo: No!
Bollo: ermm... Connect 4!
Naboo: No! Mirrors! They're afraid of their reflection! If only we had a mirror.
Vince: What size do you need?
Naboo: What?
Vince: Well do you want hand held, full length, makeup mirror? This one's good for close-ups!
Naboo: Great give me that one!
Yeti: Arhh.. Hmm... [Throws mirror away] Nice try.
Naboo: Maybe that was Unicorns.
All: Ahhhhhh!
Howard: Kalamanoo! Katuna, Panto, Tatita, Sakunoo, Fantoo.
Vince: We thought you'd been killed!
Howard: What by these guys? They're peaceful.
Vince: What's wrong with you, what's wrong with your eyes? You look weird Howard!
Howard: Howard. Oh yes! I remember him, he was paranoid, at odds with himself. He';s gone now, say hello to Parsley.
Vince: Parsley?! What's wrong with you?
Howard: I feel free inside!
Vince: That's great Parsley, now lets get outta here.
Howard: Wooah, what's the rush, stay awhile. This is my home now!
Vince: What is the woods?
Howard: Come, let me show you.
Vince: Youve gone insane!
Howard: I resisted at first, but now the rhythms of the forest flow through me, and they can flow through you too!
[Yeti Song is sung here.]
[When the song finishes they are all in a bed surrounded by Yeti's, Kodiak Jack comes in shoots his gun and says]
Jack: Run for your lives!
Vince: Ahh! I've got Bunches!
Naboo: Where's my turban?
Jack: It's the Queen and she's horney as hell! Run little Vincey I'll save you! COme here you little Yeti Biatch!
Yeti Queen: Biatch?
Jack: Oh Ohh Nooo! A little to the left! Vince I didn't get your email!!
[Everyone runs away! Into the Cabin, where the Yeti Queen runs in after them, they are all hidden as animal heads on the wall, the queen comes in and looks around, just as she's walking out, Bollo Sneezes]
Bollo: Sorry guys!
[The Yeti Queen moves forward to get them as they all scream, but stands on Vince's suitcase and it opens, shooting her through the roof.]
Yeti Queen: Oooooooh! Flipping Hell!
Bollo: [Picking up something from the side] Oh, 3 for 2.
[The moon spins round to talk]
Moon: When the space man come, he did experiment, with a hammer and a feather, seeing which one would land first, and you know, on the moon's surface the landed exactly the same time! he could have done that with anything...beach ball, peg, magnet...little drawing of some chicken, it don't make no difference, when you are the moon, everything land's the same.
[Back at the cabin, Howard and Jack are on the Porch.]
Jack: Beatutiful view huh?
Howard:Oh yeah, It's when I see a view like that I'm always aware of the terrifying insignificance of mankind, and yet and the same time, the irrevicable connection we all have with the universe.
Jack: You know what I think of?
Howard: what?
Jack: All the tiny animal penis' all over! anyway I gotta question for you, you two out here on your honeymoon?
Howard: Errm, No jack, I think you got the wrong end of the stick there.
Jack: Well, What're you doing out here in these parts then?
Howard: Well I'm a photographer by trade, just building myself up a portfolio sir.
Jack: Ahh! Picture box!
Howard: That's me! It's in my blood so...
Jack: Well, Maybe I can help you with that.
Howard: How?
Jack: Well, you know left to your own devices out here, you'd be lucky to get a picture of a chipmonk or a piece of moss, but I know the whereabouts of a creature, that's never been seen by human eye-balls, if you get a photograph of that, you'll be famous, on the cover of some fancy magazine! See this map right here, leads directly to the creatures lair, out on Piney Ridge.
Howard: Can I have a look at that?
Jack: Maybe you can, and maybe you can't
Howard: Can I?
Jack: Well Maybe I got something you want and you got something I want.
Howard: What?
Jack: Well a man does get kinda lonely, out here in the woods.
Howard: No Jack sorry, I mean, I'm a liberal guy, but I will draw the line there I'm afraid
Jack: Not you dickbrain, I'm talking about hoochie-coochie pants in there! A man does have his standards! We don't often get a little cute newbound princess, like that around here.Usually old weather-beaten types like yourself!
Howard: Look I could never do that, Vince is a friend of mine, So I will bid you good night.
Jack: Well that's a shame. I'm guess you won't be needing a picutre of the one, the only, the legendary... Yeti.
Howard: How long would you need him for?
[Back to shamansbury's checkout till.]
Naboo: Excuse me, are these meant to be like this?
Checkout Girl: Naa, sorry It's burst.
Naboo: Bollo, get us some more jaguar tears please, it's going everywhere! Just by Horns and Hooves!
[Barry pushes his trolley up the the checkout]
Naboo: You alright Barry?
Barry: Alright Naboo! Havn't seen you in aages! When was it? Wickham caves! haha, quite a night.
Naboo: Yeah I was outta my head that night, sick in my turban. You were all over the shop!
Barry: YEah I know, it was my birthday, I was off my chops! I had two Mick Jaggers and a line of cheap whizz! anyway what you up to these days?
Naboo: Oh, I've gone freelance.
Barry: You still got Bollo?
Naboo: Yeah, he's over there getting me some stuff.
Barry: ALright Bollo!
Bollo: Hi.
Naboo: Where's your familiar?
Barry: Oh, This is Crissy[Gets out a bat from his coat pocket]
Naboo: Oh he's lovely this one. Thought you had a black cat?
Barry: I did, Doing my head in, got myself an upgrade!
Naboo: Wish I could get an upgrade
Barry: Well you should, he's tiny, got all the latest features!
Checkout girl: Got a points card?
Naboo: Bollo?
Bollo: Oh, I forgot it... Sorry
Naboo: See what I mean? That's worth 50 magic carpet miles!
Barry: Upgrade.
Naboo: See ya later Barry.
Barry: Yeah Naboo, Can I have a word? If I where you I'd stay indoors tonight, avoid the forest
Naboo: Oh yeah?
Barry: Apparntly it's breeding night for the Yeti!
Naboo: I thought they were hibernating.
Barry: They are, but every 25 years they come out, look for a man to breed with, they're bloody rampant! If I where you I'd avoid Piney Ridge.
Naboo: How'd you find out about this?
Barry: Crissy! Get's all the latest! He's got Sonar!
Naboo: Why didn't you tell me about this Bollo?
Bollo: I told you I had a bad feeling!
Naboo: I need details! See ya later Barry.
Barry: [To checkout girl]'Right there Gorgeous, When do you knock off?
[Scene where Howard moves through the forest, takes photo's and get's taken by the Yeti's.]
[Back to the cabin, Vince is straightening his hair when Jack walks in]
Vince: [Sings] So please, don't go.
Jack: Well hello there.
Vince: What do you want?
Jack: Well I, brought you some flowers. I picked them myself
Vince: Where's Howard?
Jack: Oh he's fine, he just went on a little walk up Piney Ridge, left us alone for a little while.
Vince: What're you eating?
JAck: Owl beaks! D'ya want some?
Vince: No I'm fine!
JAck: Get's you in the mood.
Vince: Mood for what?!
Jack: A pretty little thing like you and a big old mountain man like me!
Vince: Get away from me
Jack: But I loves you Vincey!
Vince: Your weird get off me!
JAck: I love my little Vincey!
[shot from outside the cabin you hear Jack screaming inside, Naboo and Bollo rush in the see what's happening, Vince is burning Jacks nose with straightners.]
Vince: There you go! Nicky Clarke - Hottest you can get!
Naboo: What's going on?
Vince: I'll tell you want's going on! I just narrowly avoided a bumming from Grizzly Adams!
Naboo: Where's Howard?
Vince: Went for a walk or something, up Piney Ridge!
[Dramatic music and looks]
Vince: What...have I got shit on my face?!
[Vince, Naboo and Bollo get in the van]
Vince: Do you think Howard will be alright Naboo?
Naboo: Well we're gonna have to move fast, before the Yeti's get him!
Vince: What are they gonna do to him if they catch him?
Naboo: I don't even wanna speak it's name!
Vince: Alright, we better get to piney ridge, quicksmart!
Naboo: Well let's get a move on then!
Vince: Right... but I can't drive!
Naboo: Your kidding I can't drive either!
Vince: I thought you could!
Naboo: Thought you could!
Vince: Did you bring your magic Carpet?
Naboo: Howard wouldn't let me pack it...'one suitcase!'
Vince: What're we gonna do?
Naboo: Bollo?
Vince: Come on Bollo, get your monkey anus up at the steering wheel.
Bollo: Bollo no drive.
Vince: Your joking why not?!
Bollo: Bollo lose licence.
Naboo: When did that happen?
Bollo: Long time ago, it was Chinquo, as teenager we would drive about town together, my father warn us, no drive too fast, for there are speed camera on A49. but Chinquo crazy. He dangerous, he always say Please Bollo, please let us go faster...
Vince: Yeah right, so you chopped his feet off yeah?
Bollo: No. I chopped his feet off... stopped him pressing accellerator!
Naboo: Do you have any more stories about Chinquo or do you think maybe we should get Howard.
Vince: What're we gonna do, Piney Ridge is about 5 hours away on foot!
Naboo: minicab?
[Ninja kncoks on window]
Ninja: Cheekbone!
Vince:Ah cheers, new issue! The Jackobean ruff's back in, I knew it! Genius... Oi mate, you can't drive can you?
Ninja: Yes.
Vince: Yes!
[Driving fast through forest, only slowing down when there is a speed camera]
Scene7
Naboo: Jeez! I thought Bollo had big feet, look at this!Vince: Howard?... Howard?
Bollo:...Shit. [Looking up they're surrounded by Yeti's]
Naboo: Now don't panic anyone, I'm a shaman! We've studied Yeti's havn't we Bollo! There's something they're afraid of, what is it Bollo?
Bollo: Urmm, Cheese?
Naboo: No.
Bollo: Lipstick?
Naboo: No!
Bollo: ermm... Connect 4!
Naboo: No! Mirrors! They're afraid of their reflection! If only we had a mirror.
Vince: What size do you need?
Naboo: What?
Vince: Well do you want hand held, full length, makeup mirror? This one's good for close-ups!
Naboo: Great give me that one!
Yeti: Arhh.. Hmm... [Throws mirror away] Nice try.
Naboo: Maybe that was Unicorns.
All: Ahhhhhh!
Howard: Kalamanoo! Katuna, Panto, Tatita, Sakunoo, Fantoo.
Vince: We thought you'd been killed!
Howard: What by these guys? They're peaceful.
Vince: What's wrong with you, what's wrong with your eyes? You look weird Howard!
Howard: Howard. Oh yes! I remember him, he was paranoid, at odds with himself. He';s gone now, say hello to Parsley.
Vince: Parsley?! What's wrong with you?
Howard: I feel free inside!
Vince: That's great Parsley, now lets get outta here.
Howard: Wooah, what's the rush, stay awhile. This is my home now!
Vince: What is the woods?
Howard: Come, let me show you.
Vince: Youve gone insane!
Howard: I resisted at first, but now the rhythms of the forest flow through me, and they can flow through you too!
[Yeti Song is sung here.]
[When the song finishes they are all in a bed surrounded by Yeti's, Kodiak Jack comes in shoots his gun and says]
Jack: Run for your lives!
Vince: Ahh! I've got Bunches!
Naboo: Where's my turban?
Jack: It's the Queen and she's horney as hell! Run little Vincey I'll save you! COme here you little Yeti Biatch!
Yeti Queen: Biatch?
Jack: Oh Ohh Nooo! A little to the left! Vince I didn't get your email!!
[Everyone runs away! Into the Cabin, where the Yeti Queen runs in after them, they are all hidden as animal heads on the wall, the queen comes in and looks around, just as she's walking out, Bollo Sneezes]
Bollo: Sorry guys!
[The Yeti Queen moves forward to get them as they all scream, but stands on Vince's suitcase and it opens, shooting her through the roof.]
Yeti Queen: Oooooooh! Flipping Hell!
Scene8
[Back in the Boosh van, on the way home]
Naboo: Malt Loaf!
Vince: What?
Naboo:Malt Loaf!
Vince: What're you talking about?
Naboo: It's what the Yeti's are afraid of!
Howard: ooh, Great, Just in time there Naboo!
Vince: Oh! I had some aswell I was on the GI diet!...Can we go to the Goody Lodge next year?
Howard: That's fine by me!
[A man runs up and knocks on the window]
Howard: New Global Explorer's in! Haha!...I don't believe it![Shows magazine with Vince on front cover]
Vince: Vince Noir finds Yeti. hahaha, Cool!
[Man knocks on Vince's window.]
Man: I say old bean, would you be kind enough to sign a copy for my wife?
Vince: No problem
Man: Make it out to Alan
Vince: There you go!
[Howard knocks the man down with the van]
Howard: Oh dear...
[Ending credits while everyone sings the Yeti song in the background.]
Naboo: Malt Loaf!
Vince: What?
Naboo:Malt Loaf!
Vince: What're you talking about?
Naboo: It's what the Yeti's are afraid of!
Howard: ooh, Great, Just in time there Naboo!
Vince: Oh! I had some aswell I was on the GI diet!...Can we go to the Goody Lodge next year?
Howard: That's fine by me!
[A man runs up and knocks on the window]
Howard: New Global Explorer's in! Haha!...I don't believe it![Shows magazine with Vince on front cover]
Vince: Vince Noir finds Yeti. hahaha, Cool!
[Man knocks on Vince's window.]
Man: I say old bean, would you be kind enough to sign a copy for my wife?
Vince: No problem
Man: Make it out to Alan
Vince: There you go!
[Howard knocks the man down with the van]
Howard: Oh dear...
[Ending credits while everyone sings the Yeti song in the background.]
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