I'm tired of waiting to be ready to live again. Waiting to get better. I'm tired of wondering when my life begins again. Tired of fading. Why should I wait for the gunshot, the proper time to begin? Let's just run now. Run till we can't breathe then run just a little bit more, push through the pain and keep going. Let's take a chance on our damaged lungs, put everything on a hope. And if it goes wrong, then let's do it all again. And again. And again till we get it right. We'll learn to feel quite clean in this new skin we have grown, because our young and healthy bones would never lead us astray.
I should come with a warning. Hello, I fuck people up. I'm over dramatic, neurotic, obsessive, paranoid and incapable. I have generalised anxiety ending in panic attacks and thus not leaving my home without a safe person, mood disorders which lead to unpredictable swings from so down to scarily hyped borderline manic states of not euphoria but sped up panic of paranoia and excitement and need. Stay round here too long and I'll fuck you over. I won't mean to. But a little malicious thought has so much to feed on in my brain. I am an accident waiting to happen. And it'll keep happening. But if you like, feel free to watch me sabotage every good thing that comes my way. Christ I want out.
Whichever of you wrote this.
ReplyDelete*hug*
I've only really experience about half of that.
It's not good at all.
Using you're own words not lyrics would be step 1... But like I said before its the unbreakable things that are worth keeping. If you can fuck it up then its not worth having around.
ReplyDeleteI'm unbreakable before you get any ideas... ¬¬ :P
In the words of Adam Duritz "I felt so symbolic yesterday"
ReplyDeleteYou know there's good days too, snuck in there somewhere :) x
It'll all get better :) I'll bet my own life on that...
ReplyDelete