Why would you look the way you do...

When we can do so much for you?

I'd like to announce to the world that I feel incredibly unattractive right now. I'm wearing far too much make up, spent ages curling my hair, painting my nails etc. I don't look or feel any better than I did before I started. Seriously what's the point?

X

A story against stereotypes.

Once there was an elephant called Greg. Greg lived in a trendy part of Shoreditch and he was incredibly happy there, he would go about his daily business and people would see him in the streets and wave, shouting, ‘There’s Greg, our wonderful elephant friend!’ He was a well loved character and occasionally gave small children lifts to and from school when their parents were busy. Every one loved Greg, until one day on Shoreditch high street a shop called ‘Greg’s the Bakers’ opened. Greg was wary of the new bakery, but the people of Shoreditch flocked there in their dozens to taste it’s wonderful pastries. The people then realised that pastries were making people put on weight and they started to despise the shop; they blamed Greg’s the Bakers for the obesity epidemic and yelled at Greg the elephant, linking him with the shop just because he had the same name and he was a large fellow; which he couldn't control he tried to explain to them that it was his genetics, as an elephant he was born to be a large size, but they just tutted and screamed at him. Greg went to visit Winston the wise old peacock from the apothecary around the corner, for some advice, Winston tried to explain why people stereotyped others, but he wasn’t too certain, even though Winston was such a wise fowl. Greg felt so unwelcomed and unhappy in Shoreditch he decided to leave to find pastures anew, which he found in the heart of Summerset, where he lived on an old farmer’s field, who was kind and loving. Greg was happy he farmer let him live with him without stereotypes or prejudices just because of his name. They lived happily and the farmer enjoyed rides around his fields every Tuesday and Thursday on Greg’s back as Greg’s way of saying thank you.

x

They'll tell you I'm crazy but they will say anything if it will shut me up

Oh deary deary me. They have struck again; that's right, the Clergy haven't given up their long battle for world domination after being beaten shamelessly by the united giraffes of the world they continue this time partnered up with Meercats.

Look around, have you noticed the large amount of meercats there are in society today? We do believe that their HQ is in Teignmouth, due to the obscene amount of meercats per square metre. We actually, this time have photographic proof of the, now dubbed, 'Meercat Revolution' Please just look above, and witness the cleverly disguised meercats as they carry out some spying in a busy shopping mall.

I warn you all to be vigilant. They must not win.

x

I am an accident...

Waiting to happen, I'm laughing like mad while you strangle the captain.

We have a shed.

Score :)

xx

JJ- 'Does this mean I can't come to the shed anymore?'

Freddie - 'Of course you can, I just need some space'

^^Skins.

We decided we needed a shed. So we cleaned out mine, and painted it, with the left over white paint that I had lying around. Although, tragedy struck half way through where we realised what we had thought was white paint was actually black and pink and blue paint instead. So, what to do thought us and our wonderfully strong and intelligent helpers - Pink and blue zigzags? Why not! So we set about painting one of the walls, pink on the bottom, blue on the top, although we didn't really wash out the rollers well enough and we ended up with a sort of 'sunset' blue and pinky purple top with a bright pink bottom. It's slightly patchy but I'm sure it's fine.

We're gonna put some old arm chairs in it, and maybe a sofa and we're gonna have music and posters, and Eric on the wall, and it's gonna be our shed. 'Cause we're just that cool.

A massive thank you to our helpers Luke and Matt, one of whom we woke up, but neither of them questioned the fact we were painting our garage at about 6 in the evening, and came out with rollers in hand ready to get covered in paint.

It was a good day

X

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

-ccccccccccccccccck.

How did we get over 500 hits? I swear last time I looked it was on 340 something?

How are we all? Good?

We're going shopping today...Hopefully, although the rain looks positively violent tbqh.

Please stop soon Mr Rain, I need to get presents etc. etc.

xx

Baby, I'm Ready To Go.

(A Republica title. Hell Yes)

I'm tired of waiting to be ready to live again. Waiting to get better. I'm tired of wondering when my life begins again. Tired of fading. Why should I wait for the gunshot, the proper time to begin? Let's just run now. Run till we can't breathe then run just a little bit more, push through the pain and keep going. Let's take a chance on our damaged lungs, put everything on a hope. And if it goes wrong, then let's do it all again. And again. And again till we get it right. We'll learn to feel quite clean in this new skin we have grown, because our young and healthy bones would never lead us astray.

I should come with a warning. Hello, I fuck people up. I'm over dramatic, neurotic, obsessive, paranoid and incapable. I have generalised anxiety ending in panic attacks and thus not leaving my home without a safe person, mood disorders which lead to unpredictable swings from so down to scarily hyped borderline manic states of not euphoria but sped up panic of paranoia and excitement and need. Stay round here too long and I'll fuck you over. I won't mean to. But a little malicious thought has so much to feed on in my brain. I am an accident waiting to happen. And it'll keep happening. But if you like, feel free to watch me sabotage every good thing that comes my way. Christ I want out.

I'm invincible. I'm invincible. I'm invincible.

Just sometimes I forget. Sometimes everything seems so difficult, so scary. We are scared of everything but stopped by nothing. How can I not be stopped when every nerve, every muscle is turning against me. When the bad thoughts won't exit my head, when I'm shaking and I can hardly breath and the nausea creeps up and gets so close I'm holding back the vomit. Stopped by nothing.

I'll be invincible again. I'll be strong. I'll get there I know it, I just don't know where to begin. But all of you just wait and see. I'm invincible. And I'm not crazy. I'm not broken, I'm not psycho. Right?

Fucking Invincible!
Love X

I may take a holiday in Spain...

Or Devon, 'cause it's so much cooler etc. etc.
Here is a day to day diary of our holiday, especially for you. :L

The train journey!
We got on a train at Fareham! On the train we coloured in pictures and got disapproving looks from some woman. We listened to good music too. At Westbury we changed train and on the second the listened to Audio Boosh (Boosh Audio) then we saw the seaside and got e_cited! Then we got to Teignmouth where we witnessed a massive co-op and we came to the house and saw that it was good, like God etc.

(We then decided that that narrative perspective wasn't cool enough for us.)
First day
Today R woke up very early because she was so e_cited, soon E woke up too and they quickly got ready and at 8:30 they went out for a walk to big co-op - but nothing is awake that early in Teignmouth so they went and walked along the beach. R and E then bought a frisbee and played that for a good hour or o before going to watch people show their skills off inn a skate park. They soon went back to co-op before going back to the house and having a rela_ing afternoon. PS - They were all sophisticated n the evening and drank wine and ate strawberries while watching Pokemon. They are too cool for Teignmouth.

Second day
Today R and E went and bought a ball to throw about, as they thought it might be better than a frisbee. After laying with the ball they went to watch boys skate but one of them was stripping and noticed R and E looking so on they walked instead. They then went and made a picnic and ate it on the Green where they then lied for a few hours before coming home to watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. It was good.

Third day
Today the weather was quite bad so E and R stayed inside and watched TV for the majority of the day. During Deal or no Deal, R got raped by a badger, bit it's fine because we ate cake and drank tea. Also they decided they were gong to go on Jeremy Kyle because R tabbed up E's mum and then ran her over in a truck and then got a gorilla to shit on her, and E wouldn't forgive R until she admitted she loved Steve. It was a sad time for all.

Fourth day
Today R and E didn't really do anything again because it was bad weather again. R then got pissed because Kris said he loved E. They watched Pokemon and Friends and Deal or no Deal and Gok Wan and Family Fortunes lots. <3
R's now pissed at E for writing about Kris proclaiming his love for E.

Fifth day
Today R and E sat inside again until about midday when they went for a walk. The weather still hadn't decided to sort itself out. they went to the pier and played on the tuppeny slots and watched random boys fail at surfing. They also drew their names in the sand saying 'E and R on holiday!' it was super good.

Sixth day
Today R and E went to the pier again and bough candy floss. They then bought lots of hula hoops and made hula hoop sandwiches which were mega. Today they only watched one episode of All Star Family Fortunes which made E sad as she loves Vernon Kay. R is still pissed because Kris hasn't proclaimed his love for her yet.

Quotations of the week:
E:I can't get it in!
R: I know! It ain't happening!

E:Nap time!
R: Power nap! We're gonna be super heroes by the end of the week

R: I piss off dragons for breakfast mate!

R: I totally just raped you in an alley

R: She's got her purse out, let's go mug her!


This was all very pointless to you all, but it was funny for us :L

Love love xxxxx

That's Right, that's right, that's right, that's right, this message will be televised!

I know I'm not the one for being habitually optimistic;
but we're the one's with the blog here, so just remember this!

There was once a giraffe called Carol, he was pissed 'cause he had a woman's name, so he went to the registry office, and changed his name to Rodger Black; for he was quite fast. He decided he had a message to share with the world, about how to stop the general public from feeling intimidated by Giraffe's at zoos. Roger went to Winston, the wise old peacock, who runs the apothecary around the corner, for advice on how to go about spreading his message; Winston told him that he should open a candy floss Kiosk and take it all around the country. He brought candy floss to the masses, sugar in cloud form - the public were astounded, and thanked Rodger profusely for the gift of sugar clouds. Rodger told them stories about the prophesied day when all the Giraffe's would hold a meeting, and everyone looked forward to it, with great anticipation.
Finally the day came, and all the giraffes sneaked out of their zoos and met in Trafalgar square. Roger supplied candy floss for the occasion because he was a generous soul. Halfway through the meeting, disaster struck! The clergy had partnered up with the hamster revolution of 2010 and the hamsters had chewed through several intrinsic cables which meant no one could view the meeting. However, people were so outraged in the behaviour of the clergy, they made their way in their masses to Trafalgar square, where they joined the giraffes and several other zoo animals who had decided to join them for the parade. Together they danced and flew kites and waved flags whilst singing songs of love and unity. The clergy were defeated once again. Us: 3, clergy: 0.

This is the story section of this post of wonderment over. Now for the rest of the festivities.

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose

Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
Edward Lear

We are going to Devon on Saturday! How cool is that?! We won't be able to blog for a whole week. You going to miss us? And when we come back we'll be all tanned
Love! Love!
x