Kenneth for PM.

There was once a hedgehog called Kenneth. Kenneth lived a quiet life in a forest, with lots of his little animal friends. One day he decided he'd had enough of the quiet wood and wanted to go on an adventure; most of his friends thought him odd, and begged him not to go, offering him cheese on sticks and shiney objects to tempt him to stay - they were scared of the big world. Kenneth did not succumb to their temptations though and set off on what would be the adventure of a life time, he was certain. On his journey he met many dangerous foes, but Kenneth was able to defeat these with help from the friends he made on his way; these included Steve the woodlouse and Morgan the rabbit. Every night they would sit around a tiny (but completely safe and in conjuncture to every environmental agency rule) fire, and sing songs and laugh and tell each other stories. Kenneth knew he had made the right decision leaving the wood and hoped he would be able to carry on his adventure for a long time to come.

One day while Kenneth and friends were just trundling along the road, they noticed a fuck load of flyers and billboards around telling Human Beings who they should vote for in their election, which they had read about in The Times a few days earlier (So they all now fully understood the political process.)After a good few lengthy discussions amongst themselves they decided that Kenneth should run for Prime Minister. To start up the process they went to visit Winston, the wise old Peacock from the Apothecary around the corner; who knew lots about the politics, having worked as an advisor for Churchill in World War 2. Winston, Kenneth, Steve and Morgan set about raising awareness of their party, and pretty soon, Kenneth was up on the podium giving speeches to millions of viewers nationwide next to Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg, and David Cameron. Kenneth had such wonderful charm and charisma, he could win over any audience, he became a house hold name, badges(and other small trinkets) were made with his name on them, his party became the most popular; and therefore, when the elections came about there could be no confusion as to who would win.

Kenneth won with a landslide victory. He appointed Steve as his Chancellor of the Exchequer, Morgan as his Deputy Prime Minister, and Winston for his advisor on all important issues (including cake making, for this was one of his specialities.) The woodland animals who were Kenneth's old time friends filled in other vacancies that had to be filled, and the government was no longer fucked up or confusing. Under Kenneth everything went smoothly, he made a law that said 'Every Thursday everyone must say hello to a stranger' which made lots of people happy. It made Kenneth happy that he could make others happy. Everything was good from then on.

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